Bogspot, with Frank Hovis

A little accident

2009-07-12T15:59:00.004+01:00

Good god, the looks I was getting last night in the gents at Liverpool Street - you'd have thought some of these chaps had never seen a camera before. And I was bloody winked at! By a middle-aged man in a beige mac, no less. To re-iterate: this is not a cottaging website. I just want to inform people about the state of the capital's public lavs.

Right, while I'm assembling this week's entry (sorry it's taking so long, but you know what happens when you try to rush these things. Anyway, there's only eight of you reading this), here is some poo-related news from Isleworth from earlier in the week:

River sewage spill 'not accident' (07/07/2009, via BBC)

An inquiry has begun after more than 200 fish were killed when raw sewage spilled into the River Thames.

The Environment Agency said the pollution was caused by discharge from Thames Water's Mogden Sewage Treatment Works in Isleworth on Friday.

Thames Water said the spill was "not an accident" and if the storm sewage was not released it would have "backed up into people's homes".

Dead fish, mostly flounders, were found around Kew Gardens after heavy showers.

click here to read more on the BBC News website

Café Cake-Poo-Poo

2009-07-08T15:55:00.008+01:00

Some delicious cakes for you to feast your eyes on (but probably not much else) via Cake Wrecks:

Profanisaurus entry of the week

2009-07-06T14:21:00.002+01:00

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. As I mentioned yesterday, by the end of the week I hope to have pooed and reviewed the gentlemens' public lavatories at Liverpool Street station.

This week's choice Profanisaurus entry, then, has been chosen for its geographical location:

Brick Lane – 1. n. Bustling London thoroughfare running between Whitechapel High Street and Bethnal Green Road, which includes many exotic eateries amongst its attractions. 2. n. The narrow skin isthmus connecting the ringpiece with the knackers, which generally experiences peak traffic flow shortly after visits to the aforementioned spicy comestible establishments. Also tornado alley, smelly bridge, tintis, etc. 'Emergency hotline. Which service do you require?' 'Ambulance please, operator. There's been a terrible accident on Brick Lane.'

Taxi

2009-07-05T16:47:00.002+01:00

Lavatorial

2009-07-05T15:50:00.006+01:00

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Bogspot with Frank Hovis.

I always found the word 'blog' quite a revolting word, it sounded to me like something nasty you might expect to find lurking in the public lavatories at Euston station. (Of course, last year the public lavatories at Euston were completely revamped and they are now a very pleasant place to have a poo-poo or a wee-wee.)

There are only two major drawbacks about the revamped Euston station public lavatories that I can find so far:

Number 1) it is possible to see directly into the gentlemen's cubicle area if you are loitering outside the entrance, but the same is not true of the ladies' loos.

Number 2) for older people like me who can remember which side of the entrance (right, as it happens) the gents at Euston used to be on, it can be very embarrassing if, after a few pints, you decide to go for a poo-poo and accidentally use the ladies' by mistake. They've swapped them around you see - it is the ladies' loos that are now on the right-hand side.

Anyway, I won't be reviewing the Eustion station public lavs this week - although of course I will get around to them soon enough. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll have reviewed, documented, photographed and of course blocked the public lavatories at Liverpool Street station. And that will be the main function of this blog - to provide you, ladies and gentlemen, with a thoroughly comprehensive guide to London's public lavatories.

Every week I hope to re-visit all the London loos of my childhood and let you know all the vital information about them - entrance fees (Liverpool Street now costs 30 pence if you want to do a wee-wee!), blockage reports, indispensible information about loo-roll dispensers, interviews with the toilet-cleaning staff, reviews of Dyson Airblades and so on. I'll also be posting videos, Frank Zappa bottom-themed songs of the week, choice entries from the Profanisaurus, etc.

Good night, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you.